The Life and Times of Sean Mitchell - "Es Aqua, Meum Amicus"

In an Associated Press article yesterday, Duane "Dog" Chapman goes on and on in what we've come to know as the "N" word dance. Yes, we've all seen it. It's the dance that happens when a public figure - usually white - makes a racial slur - usually toward black people - and the public catches wind of it, the media whip up a sensational campaign and Al Sharpton suddenly and magically appears outside the offender's doorstep with camera crew and protesters in tow. Al Sharpton plays the music for the dance while the black collective holds the gun. And boy have we seen some good jigs! Chapman is currently dancing for his life.


WTF?
OK. I know that everyone has a little bit of racial prejudice in them. And everyone deserves to be forgiven, but what the heck is Dog thinking? That black people are stupid? That he can just say anything and it'll work? Get this. Chapman says he doesn't want his son bringing his son's girlfriend around...:

"because we use the word n----r sometimes here. I'm not going to take any chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for 30 years because some drunken n----r heard us say n----r and turned us into the Enquirer magazine. So, I will help you get another job, but you cannot work here unless you break up with her and she is out of your life," Chapman tells his son. "I can't handle that s--t."

OK. So that means that Chapman knows that the "N" word is so offensive that he doesn't want "to take any chance ever in life of losing everything" by inviting his son's black girlfriend around to hear him say it. That's right. He says this on tape. His son was so ticked off that he sold the tape to The Enquirer. And the Dog began to dance.

On Hannity and Colmes, Chapman uses the "I have lots of black friends" appeal to explain that he really isn't racist, but he uses a moronic twist in the defense:

"There's a special connection that I thought I had between me and black America...And I used to say, 'I'm black, too.' I now learned I'm not black at all..."

WTF?


Black Dog White Dog
So you remember that Chapman says on the Enquirer tape that he didn't want his son around because he didn't want his "drunken n----r" of a girlfriend to make public his use of the "N" word. He knows it's offensive right? So what's this?

"I thought that I was cool enough in the black world to be able to use that word as a brother to a brother," he said. "I'm not. I didn't know really know until three or four days ago what that meant to black people."

The "Black World?" What is that? The world of Shaft, Cleopatra Jones and Rodney Allen Rippey? Oh C'mon, he didn't know that the N word was offensive to black people? OH. OK. That makes sense now. I suppose he should get his show and all his endorsements back now. We should all give him a break. C'mon! Can't you see that he didn't know the "N" word was offensive to black people? Sharpton should leave immediately! And take all the "N"ice people with him. What an idiot.

Then, because Chapman is so intelligent and he really likes to have his story straight, he gives this reason for using the "N" word in the conversation with his son:

"I referenced it, the only word I know, that would hurt his feelings or catch his attention very fast — never as a prejudicial or racial slur or anything like that..."

That is pure genius. The man is obviously brilliant.


Epidogue
Chapman finishes by explaining that he now wants to be buried in a slave cemetery near is home:

"I want to be buried right where they're at because I will never be forgiven as (long as) I'm alive..."

Awww [weep] he really is a true friend to black people everywhere...WTF?